You know what I’ve learned. That no matter how much a person has gone through or how much they complain about their problems, they are allowed to. If my situation is worse than yours, it doesn’t mean you should give up what you’re feeling. If you complain about your shitty situation, it doesn’t make your problems any less real. People might get tired of listening, but that’s another story.
When I have sucky things happen in my life, I have a handful of friends I can talk to about it. I try not to take advantage of it and complain too often. I also rarely have things to complain about, and then there’s life. Sometimes when others complain to me, I feel like I can’t give anyone anything, because I have stresses of my own. I’m sure we all feel this way. Sometimes, it is easier to say “what can I physically do for you?” without listening to what led that person to needing help.
Most people take vacations to get away; I stop calling, don’t answer an email or phone calls from someone I don’t have anymore to give to. Or, honestly, I’m just tired of listening to your problems, I have no problem saying that in person either.
That is part of the reason I love front line work with the kids, teens and adults. They don’t complain, they don’t tell me the shitty parts of their day (sometimes), they don’t ask me about others or push me into a negative space of taking about people. They also only demand of me, what I can afford to give. Everyday is a good day when with them, even the tough ones.
However, when people ask more of me than I can give, or I’ve given tons and can’t give anymore, I’m stuck. My down fall, people I care about, I will do anything for them. Even be there for them over and over, while teaching the hard lesson’s of life, giving tough love and sometimes having friends ignore me for days because I have told them the hard truth. My up fall as it may be, I am tough, I can be mean and I have seen a lot, not everything, but a lot. My mom always taught me to take time to feel sorry for myself and someone else, and when I’m ready, move on and do something for myself and that person. So, yes, I sometimes have a hard time feeling bad for people. People that I think have picked their own circumstances that is.
How would I know anyway? Who am I to dictate if your pain deserves my sympathy? And that is really what we want when we are having a tough time in life, someone to sympathize with us, listen to us and get on our side, even if we’re wrong.
So, I may look out for supports and friends to listen to me, but I will keep being there for people as much as they are there for me. It is not easy, but, sometimes we have a greater purpose in life, that we are not privy to yet. We have to go through the hard steps to find out.